Four weeks since surgery.

Tomorrow will mark the fourth week since surgery. I have been really struggeling during these last couple of weeks. I have been depressed, gained a couple of pounds, having a really hard time sleeping which because of this Ive had a constant twitch in my left eye for 8 days now! I have little to no energy and have been stuggeling in both school and work.

This semester is almost over... haleluja!!! It has been an additive stressor. I just want to feel good about myself again and stop feeling bad for myself. I have been trying to eat right and have been taking vitamins to help with energy and hoping that eating right will at least help with me feeling a little better.

I think the hardest part for me is watching everyone else move on from what happened (especially Jake) and feeling left behind. Trust me, I want to move on too, but something keeps pulling me back. Its like Im running in place, constantly trying to move but for some reason I only stay in that same place. I guess thats the depression taking toll. Its not severe, however, its not a walk in the park either. It feels like a darkness that I cant describe, like a cloud hanging over my head. I find myself beating myself up for other reasons not having to do with the baby, like my weight, doing poorly in school, even giving myself a hard time not making dinner or letting the landrey pile up. This is not like me. I guess the important thing is that I recognize this and Im trying to overcome it. It would be worse if I didnt realize the effects of it in my everyday learning, not trying to get better.

I know that this is just a moment in time and that I will learn something valuable from this experience. I know that all will be well and I will overcome this with being a stronger woman in the end. All I ask, is for God to be with me, take me by the hand and show me the way... may God be with us all.