Saturday, August 23, 2014
Friday, August 22, 2014
8 Weeks 1 Day
Mom, Jake and I went to the Ogden Temple in house today. It was absolutely beautiful! I can't wait to go back and spend time in the celestial room... GORGEOUS! !! After we went to Farr's for some ice cream. Traditions!
7 Weeks 6 Days
Today mom, belle, and I went for messages and pedicures for moms birthday. HEAVEN!!! We then went Olive Garden for lunch then I had to rush to work. Ugh!
When I got home from work look what I found on the fridge....
How stinking cute is Jake??? LOVE! He has been so excited about this little one too. He has been a Champ with all pound the extra projects he has been working on to prepare for this baby. I am so blessed to have him as my husband and my baby's daddy. Loves!
7 Weeks 5 Days
Great news!!!! I had my ultrasound today and she has a beautiful heart beat of 166!!!!
All day long while I was waiting for my ultrasound I was about have a nervous breakdown. A prayer was constantly on my mind and I was so scared I was shaking. Mom came to pick Jake and I up and by the time we pulled up the hospital I was bawling. Mom stuff a prayer and we head in. Kellie met us there which was nice too. I met MmHg new OB Dr. Seale and I really like him! He was very warm and sweet and very mindful of my needs.
We went into the ultrasound room and as soon the probe hit my uterus we saw the heart beat immediately! I lost it then and there and I could hear Kellie and my mom bawling too and Jake squeezing my hand. She was beautiful!
Once the ultrasound was printed off, Jake took it and started dancing with it. So adorable.
Mom,Jake,and I then went to Applebee's for lunch.Out was fun. Definitely much better then the end of my last ultrasound. Thats for sure!
Here's our little Angel...
7 Weeks 4 Days
Tomorrow is my first ultrasound and I'm scared death. This is around the same time that last baby passed so I've pretty much been giving myself panic attacks! I at least still have been feeling nauseous and very tired so this at least has been a small comfort for me. Thank goodness for my symptoms. Praying that this little one will be blessed and healthy and strong with a heart beat!
Saturday, August 16, 2014
7weeks 2days
My first ultrasound is in three days. I have been soooo afraid of what we might find. In two days I will be as far along as when I lost my last baby. I keep telling myself to calm down and not cause myself stress but that is easier said then done.
I have been having lots and lots of painful and dull cramps everyday off and on. I keep telling myself that the pain is just a possible cyst, but deep down I am so frightened for an ectopic pregnancy. Luckily, I have had absolutely no bleeding this pregnancy, not even during implantation. If it was an ectopic pregnancy then wouldn't I have bleeding?
Symptoms: Everyday nausea, can't brush my teeth without dry heaving with the occasional acid vomit, sore breasts, raised nipples, fatigue, and the lovely constant urination just kicked in. I had to pee 6 times during the middle of the night. Ugh! Decreased appetite, however I have been able to eat at work, last week it was near impossible to get my self to eat much.
Weight: 279. 4 Pounds down from pre pregnancy weight. (283)
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
5 weeks 5 days
My first ultrasound ifs scheduled for Aug 19th. That is so far away!!! I have been very scared for this pregnancy, but I just need to have faith and stop living in scarcity. I have been oober nauseous all day long. Who called it morning sickness? More like all day sickness. Work called and told me that I had to get a doctor's note in order continue working. My doctor has never met me so I was worried at how I was going to pull that off. After much contemplation and several phone calls, he finally decided to write one. Phew. That was a blessing. My doctor its Dr.Seale. I have heard great things about him. I have always been apprehensive about male OBs but I am more concerned about my baby's safety rather then having a female doctor.
Symptoms : SUPER low energy (laid in bed all day after work and watched movies), lots of nausea, cramping, weak, tingling nipples.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Praying that this will be our rainbow baby...
Well, here we go again.... I took a pregnancy test last week and it came out positive. I was very concerned at first because my temperature started to drop quit extensively around luteal days 8, 9,10,11... then my temperature began to rise again. I took the test on luteal day 13 and it was a definite positive result. I went on vacation and continued to take my temp (all high temperatures) which brings me a little peace. Today is my first day back home from the vacation (luteal day 21) and I took another p test to make sure the hcg looked stronger...so far so good....
My next step its to research a new obgyn. My old doctor is no longer seeing her patients so I need to find a new doctor. Ugh! I just hope that I can find one that will be good for me so I don't have to go from doc to doc...
Symptoms: fatigue, weakness, bloating, gas, diarrhea, cramping, frequent urinating, and swollen/sensitive breasts.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Four weeks since surgery.
Tomorrow will mark the fourth week since surgery. I have been really struggeling during these last couple of weeks. I have been depressed, gained a couple of pounds, having a really hard time sleeping which because of this Ive had a constant twitch in my left eye for 8 days now! I have little to no energy and have been stuggeling in both school and work.
This semester is almost over... haleluja!!! It has been an additive stressor. I just want to feel good about myself again and stop feeling bad for myself. I have been trying to eat right and have been taking vitamins to help with energy and hoping that eating right will at least help with me feeling a little better.
I think the hardest part for me is watching everyone else move on from what happened (especially Jake) and feeling left behind. Trust me, I want to move on too, but something keeps pulling me back. Its like Im running in place, constantly trying to move but for some reason I only stay in that same place. I guess thats the depression taking toll. Its not severe, however, its not a walk in the park either. It feels like a darkness that I cant describe, like a cloud hanging over my head. I find myself beating myself up for other reasons not having to do with the baby, like my weight, doing poorly in school, even giving myself a hard time not making dinner or letting the landrey pile up. This is not like me. I guess the important thing is that I recognize this and Im trying to overcome it. It would be worse if I didnt realize the effects of it in my everyday learning, not trying to get better.
I know that this is just a moment in time and that I will learn something valuable from this experience. I know that all will be well and I will overcome this with being a stronger woman in the end. All I ask, is for God to be with me, take me by the hand and show me the way... may God be with us all.
Friday, March 15, 2013
One week later
Its been a full week since the surgery. I now have strep and am stuck in bed again. I went to the doctor and was given a penicillin shot to stop the virus. I feel better than I did yesterday, but I still feel awful. I also had an allergic reaction to the throat numbing sucker that I was given. Such a bummer.
I can feel my hormones trying to rebalance themselves out. My basal body temperature has been all over which was expected. (but actually not too bad if you take away the fever day) I have my appettite back, the swelling and water weight I gained after the surgery has finally went down, my breasts are back to normal and I dont need as much sleep anymore. My energy levels are still weak but that could be attributed to the strep... ha..ha... what are the chances? Boy, its been a hard couple if weeks!
With work we had a big event that I couldnt miss, my dad who is also my boss calls me his Ace in the hole.... I made 65 arrangments with little to no help with a fever of 101.6 degrees. My co-worker got me ice chips which I am convinced was the only thing that got me through the day! Right when the event was finished I went straight to the instacare (with the help of my darling husband) where my strep was confirmed and where I received a penicillin shot. (those are incredible by the way) I now can relax in bed until the virus passes through my body.
Here is a snap shot of my cycle so far....
Dear baby....
I can't stop thinking about you. I miss feeling you in my tummy, I miss feeling you with me where ever I go, I miss knowing that you are safe in my tummy, protecting you and loving you with all my heart. I have been filled with a darkening sadness since I lost you. My heart aches to feel for you again. I feel so alone since you were torn from me.... I am so sorry that I lost you, my precious baby.... I know however, that I have not conpletely lost you, you will always be my baby and you will come to me when the timing is right. Once Ive physically healed your daddy and I will fight for you and try again, and with God's mercy you will come to us again. I love you my Angel, I always will for all eternity. Right now my heart hurts, but I know that there will come a day when you are born and my heart will rejoice in a way that seems uncomprehendable. You will bring your mommy and daddy so much happiness when you come home to us. For we are your home. We love you, we pray for you, and I know that one day I will hold you in my arms, being the proudest mommy that a mommy could ever be. My dear precious little one, you will always be in my heart....
Thursday, March 7, 2013
8 w 6 ds
We found out two days ago that our precious little one passed away at 7 w 4 days. Our hearts are completely filled with sorrow. The D&C will take place tomorrow at 1030.
Dear baby, mommy and daddy love you so very much. Our hearts are broken that we will not be able to hold you in our arms this october. But this is not the end, you will still come to us on the Lord's timing.... you will still be our child for us to love, to hold, to charish, to raise to be the best person you can possibley be and to one day have a family of your own. You may not be ours physically, yet, you will always be ours spiritually. Always, our baby, until we meet again...
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
A solution....
Week 7 Day 5
My mom just text me to let me know that we will be starting up again at the gym starting Monday! Yay! That makes me happy! I missed going to the gym. I feel like in the middle of the night when I need to roll over, it is much harder to get myself to move. I have noticed that I have been stuck in one position longer than usual without moving which has been causing muscle soreness. I can imagine that it will only get worse as I get further along. Lovely. : )
Symptoms: Weak, tired. Hard to focus and think clearly, attention span very short. Have to pee a lot! Diarrhea.
No more nausea, just feel icky if I wait too long to eat. My breasts are almost to their regular selves, except slightly bigger (on and off soreness, but not very often anymore.)
Weight: 258
P.S. Only 6 more days until my next Ultrasound! Wahooo!!! I pray that they baby is healthy and we get to hear the heart beat!
P.P.S. Thank you to my sister for letting me use her Doppler. I can't wait until the baby is big enough when I can listen to its heart beat every night before I go to bed! haha!
Week 7 Day 3
I have been more weak lately... I am pretty sure that I had a yeast over growth in my tummy from the antibiotics my OB put me on for the UTI I had a couple of weeks ago. i have been taking my probiotics twice a day which is helping my tummy not be so bloated, but its not getting the weakness to go away fast enough!!! I feel awful! I've had Candida before and I really don't want to experience that awful disease ever again! I don't know what else to take that will help with killing yeast without killing my baby and getting rid of the sluggishness! I hope it goes away soon! I already am weak and exhausted from pregnancy let alone the additive weakness and achyness and sensitiveness from the yeast! I feel horrible!!!! Also, yeast causes bloating so I have it twice as bad from that and normal pregnancy bloating which caused new stretch marks! Grrr! I couldn't catch them fast enough.... well, here we go.... once they start, they don't stop! I've been putting cream on them twice a day, if anything, it will help them turn from purple to white sooner once the baby is born, keeping them hydrated that is... Anyway, hoping i can overcome this soon! This is worse than when I was nauseous! Well, count my blessings.... at least I am not nauseous on top of this! Haha!
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